We hold a Very Serious Annual Discussion to determine what Halloween candy to give out to the neighborhood trick or treaters.
First of all, we are traditionalists and give out candy. We long ago gave up on the idea of finding a suitable yet satisfactory alternative. More on that a little later.
Secondly, the family stipulates that we have to give out Good Candy and not Weird Candy.
Thus, no matter how much I lobby, li-hing rock candy is out.
1. Milk Duds. Who wants to eat something called "Dud"?
2. Twizzlers. Red Vine pretender.
3. Junior Mints. These aren't even good--who buys them in real life?
4. Mr. Goodbar. Peanut allergies. In all its seriousness.
5. Werther's Original Caramel. Old people food.
6. SweeTarts. Chalk.
7. Airheads. Bad Hi Chew molar extractors.
8. Nerds. Looks too much like crazy aquarium rocks.
9. Blow Pops. I nixed this one because it's a badly named product on so many levels.
10. Dum Dums. Who wants the free candy they give you after your flu shots?!
I heard a Trader Joe's radio ad promoting frozen turkey meatballs for Halloween trick-or-treaters ("because canned tomato sauce is so last year." This got me thinking about the unusual items my my children have received by well-meaning or perhaps ill-prepared households. Here are some of the all-time oddballs:
1. 1 walnut, in shell
2. a bag of prunes, and not the individual snack size either!
3. a full 12-oz can of pop
4. a toothbrush, with mini-floss and toothpaste, but to be fair, this was from a dentist
5. State quarters. Of all the non-candy, this was the best alternative, cost-effective yet satisfying.
6. loose change. This one, not so much, but the very young children were pretty excited with 17 cents in coin.